When we go to bed at night, we think about the activities of the day – the ones we engage ourselves in, willingly or unwillingly; we think about love; we think about guilt; we think about the people that walked into our lives and the handful that walked out; we think about our victories and our defeats; we think about those mountains that stood in our way early in the day (maybe from days before too); we try to use our minds to turn some things around – correct some or even wish we were never part of certain ordeals.
Life is not without its ups and downs, or highs and lows. It's never a crime to believe in something, neither is it absurd to trust someone unreservedly, without anticipating a glimpse of disappointment. Many promises have been broken; things we never thought would happen speedily come to pass before our very eyes, without prior notice...but we still dust ourselves up and keep moving.
We wish words alone were enough to authenticate people's intentions towards us...we wish the promises they make (made) to us can assuage our doubts and fears...we wish that every vow made could ignite love and sincere concern that will burn forever. We wish wishes could really bring the desires of our hearts to fruition. However, sometimes wish for the most absurd thing…very absurd. Well…
We live in an uncertain world. Most times we don’t even know who to trust, when to trust and why to trust. “What if those words, sweetly spoken, eventually turn out to be nothing but lies and deceit”?
Some people have pushed us to the point where we expect ANYTHING, so we are not caught unawares. Some have pushed us to the extent that we cushion the anticipated effects of disappointments with the conclusion that ANYBODY can disappoint. But…Can we ever be prepared for the worst? Can we ever accept it as ‘one of those things’, and move on?
As you set out each day, try your best to treat people the way you’d want to be treated. Say only what you mean, or hit the mute button. Admit to your wrongs and make amends as swiftly as possible, without placing more emphasis on justifying the reasons for your actions. Words cut deeper than the sharpest knife, so be cautious.
Someone out there is relying on you to say something sweet to them - something that will brighten their entire day; someone is expecting you to just be you; someone is expecting you to be responsible and faithful; someone is expecting you to say the truth, no matter how much it will hurt; someone is expecting you to say ‘I’m sorry’; someone is expecting you to keep your promise and cling to the vows you effortlessly made a while ago! If you must say it, then be ready to honour it.
Your words, your bond. Little wonder God honours His word more than His name.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
H.A.L.T.T – Heal and Learn to Think
There’s so much going on on social networking sites, and in the media in general. Trust me, it feels like an entirely different world in itself, with tales that are either within rational expectation, too good to be true, or ridiculously void of common sense. We hear about very successful relationships and marriages, lasting from over a few weeks to decades, and of course, some that barely made it past the first date. Sometimes you can’t but wonder what the whole buzz is about. Well, let me give you a preview: Some can’t do without media attention (it’s contagious); some are just dramatic in nature; some rely on people to think for them, either by posting comments of praise or criticism; some are just addicted to breaking things – hearts, vows, promises and so on.
If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’d agree with me that there are some you wish never started, and others you wish never ended. Once in a while, I try to read a few blogs with captivating captions and i just feel some of the contents are unreal. One of such is a post i read recently about a dude who was going out with a lady, and at the same time promising another person marriage. That’s not all. He had a girlfriend who was providing shelter for him under her roof. After spending so much on this dude, and on the marriage, little did this lady know that she was signing up to become a ‘possession’ rather than a ‘partner’. Personal possessions are not always handled with care or respect, you know? A guy that would tell you “Now that you are my wife, you have to transfer all your properties to my name or make me a signatory to your account(s)” is up to no good. Dude, get a life!
This doesn’t mean ladies have the right to make certain demands too,simply because they now bear his last name and the title ‘wife’. Anyway, i don’t care if that story is true or not, but I don’t expect a responsible man to beat up a woman who refuses to make him a signatory to her account, or condone his quest to render her bankrupt. Scratch that, i don’t expect a responsible man to beat up a woman, however justified he feels his reasons are. Dude, have you lost your mind?Forgive me. I digress a lot.Like I stated earlier, if you’ve ever been in a relationship, there’s at least one person you wish you never made up your mind to date, and maybe one you wish never walked away. Speaking of the former, okay, you have certain regrets about your Ex and the time you spent thinking you were the power supply to his heart, not knowing that you were just one of many back up options? I sympathize with you, but don’t rid yourself of the fact that you can still be happy with someone who will make you his One and Only.
Some of you spend a ridiculous amount of time on social networking sites like twitter and facebook. It’s not a bad thing, not unless you tweet 200times a day, and 97.8% of your tweets are about how miserable you feel, how you’ll never trust guys again, how useless and uncaring you feel your Ex was, how lucky you are to have walked away from the relationship (though it’s a lie), or how he took advantage of your vulnerability. Like seriously?? And you expect that ‘tall, dark, six-packed and handsome’ dude on your timeline to ask you out? Hell no! Not every dude wants to be a potential Trending Topic on twitter, when the chips are down. Have you seen how they shred tweeps apart on that platform? Scary. A lot of dudes would rather not be with a lady who is quick to make her private life public every time she logs into the cyber world. I know some of you do it to gain attention, and you want people to share your grief and all that. STOP IT! It’s not cool.
Speaking of those who wish that dude never walked away, have you stopped to think about why things didn’t work out? Have you stopped to think about what YOU might have done wrong? About what you said and the gravity? Have you even learnt from the experience? I don’t think so. Instead you’ve become a stern believer of the doctrine that all guys are after the same thing – the insatiable desire to go all fleshy on you. Or, in your words “They just want to hit and run.” I think it’s high time you shoved that mentality down the drain. Come to think of it…maybe that’s your major problem….you think ‘for’ the guy, and so your every action is an attempt to resist the fear of what you believe he wants, and you never give him a benefit of the doubt. Here’s one secret: ‘Some guys want to be trusted as individuals’. I bet you didn’t know that.
During every healing process, there are reflections of the good times and the bad times you enjoyed, but unfortunately, a lot of people focus less on the good and allow the bad cloud their judgment. My honest advice: I don’t know how long it takes to heal (maybe it’s dependent on how deep the cut is/was), or how long you should stay single before hopping into another relationship. Sincerely, i don’t care, but one thing you must know is that scars from fresh wounds can still be bruised. You really need to give yourself time to heal, and even more time to think before you say ‘yes’ to the next request.Here are some things I feel you should think about: Don’t focus on how NOT to get things wrong in the next, but let your focus be on how to get things right.
After sufficient healing time, don’t force it, and don’t place yourself under pressure to jump into another one. If the previous one started out nice and sweet, there’s a high probability that the next will start off nicer and sweeter, but that’s not a guarantee that it will last longer. Come to terms with the fact that guys also deserve some special treatment, once in a while. I mean, we like it when you deliver pizza and ice cream to our doorsteps, or even invite us for a movie. It’s not an abomination for you to be the catalyst to a great time out.
In the words of Lady T’Mill “When developing a relationship, be willing to put as much into it, if not more than what you want out. Keep things fair”
Lest I forget, if you are one of those ladies who like to say “I’m hanging out with my b*****s, tonight” or “My friends are h**s, you’ve just gotta love ‘em” and you get mad when guys make those words your nickname, it’s a strong indication that you are oblivious of the gravity of your problem. You may not see anything wrong with it, especially if it’s part of your vocabs among your friends, but that’s really disgusting to hear. Respect yourselves, and maybe guys will stop disrespecting you.
PS: I’m not a relationship doctor….I’m just a guy who has a couple of ideas about how a few guys think.
meit
If you’ve been in a relationship before, you’d agree with me that there are some you wish never started, and others you wish never ended. Once in a while, I try to read a few blogs with captivating captions and i just feel some of the contents are unreal. One of such is a post i read recently about a dude who was going out with a lady, and at the same time promising another person marriage. That’s not all. He had a girlfriend who was providing shelter for him under her roof. After spending so much on this dude, and on the marriage, little did this lady know that she was signing up to become a ‘possession’ rather than a ‘partner’. Personal possessions are not always handled with care or respect, you know? A guy that would tell you “Now that you are my wife, you have to transfer all your properties to my name or make me a signatory to your account(s)” is up to no good. Dude, get a life!
This doesn’t mean ladies have the right to make certain demands too,simply because they now bear his last name and the title ‘wife’. Anyway, i don’t care if that story is true or not, but I don’t expect a responsible man to beat up a woman who refuses to make him a signatory to her account, or condone his quest to render her bankrupt. Scratch that, i don’t expect a responsible man to beat up a woman, however justified he feels his reasons are. Dude, have you lost your mind?Forgive me. I digress a lot.Like I stated earlier, if you’ve ever been in a relationship, there’s at least one person you wish you never made up your mind to date, and maybe one you wish never walked away. Speaking of the former, okay, you have certain regrets about your Ex and the time you spent thinking you were the power supply to his heart, not knowing that you were just one of many back up options? I sympathize with you, but don’t rid yourself of the fact that you can still be happy with someone who will make you his One and Only.
Some of you spend a ridiculous amount of time on social networking sites like twitter and facebook. It’s not a bad thing, not unless you tweet 200times a day, and 97.8% of your tweets are about how miserable you feel, how you’ll never trust guys again, how useless and uncaring you feel your Ex was, how lucky you are to have walked away from the relationship (though it’s a lie), or how he took advantage of your vulnerability. Like seriously?? And you expect that ‘tall, dark, six-packed and handsome’ dude on your timeline to ask you out? Hell no! Not every dude wants to be a potential Trending Topic on twitter, when the chips are down. Have you seen how they shred tweeps apart on that platform? Scary. A lot of dudes would rather not be with a lady who is quick to make her private life public every time she logs into the cyber world. I know some of you do it to gain attention, and you want people to share your grief and all that. STOP IT! It’s not cool.
Speaking of those who wish that dude never walked away, have you stopped to think about why things didn’t work out? Have you stopped to think about what YOU might have done wrong? About what you said and the gravity? Have you even learnt from the experience? I don’t think so. Instead you’ve become a stern believer of the doctrine that all guys are after the same thing – the insatiable desire to go all fleshy on you. Or, in your words “They just want to hit and run.” I think it’s high time you shoved that mentality down the drain. Come to think of it…maybe that’s your major problem….you think ‘for’ the guy, and so your every action is an attempt to resist the fear of what you believe he wants, and you never give him a benefit of the doubt. Here’s one secret: ‘Some guys want to be trusted as individuals’. I bet you didn’t know that.
During every healing process, there are reflections of the good times and the bad times you enjoyed, but unfortunately, a lot of people focus less on the good and allow the bad cloud their judgment. My honest advice: I don’t know how long it takes to heal (maybe it’s dependent on how deep the cut is/was), or how long you should stay single before hopping into another relationship. Sincerely, i don’t care, but one thing you must know is that scars from fresh wounds can still be bruised. You really need to give yourself time to heal, and even more time to think before you say ‘yes’ to the next request.Here are some things I feel you should think about: Don’t focus on how NOT to get things wrong in the next, but let your focus be on how to get things right.
After sufficient healing time, don’t force it, and don’t place yourself under pressure to jump into another one. If the previous one started out nice and sweet, there’s a high probability that the next will start off nicer and sweeter, but that’s not a guarantee that it will last longer. Come to terms with the fact that guys also deserve some special treatment, once in a while. I mean, we like it when you deliver pizza and ice cream to our doorsteps, or even invite us for a movie. It’s not an abomination for you to be the catalyst to a great time out.
In the words of Lady T’Mill “When developing a relationship, be willing to put as much into it, if not more than what you want out. Keep things fair”
Lest I forget, if you are one of those ladies who like to say “I’m hanging out with my b*****s, tonight” or “My friends are h**s, you’ve just gotta love ‘em” and you get mad when guys make those words your nickname, it’s a strong indication that you are oblivious of the gravity of your problem. You may not see anything wrong with it, especially if it’s part of your vocabs among your friends, but that’s really disgusting to hear. Respect yourselves, and maybe guys will stop disrespecting you.
PS: I’m not a relationship doctor….I’m just a guy who has a couple of ideas about how a few guys think.
meit
Saturday, January 21, 2012
SKETCH IT; THEN MOLD IT!
When HE was tired of hearing me describe what I wanted, with additional features every other day, HE got fed up and said to me “Okay, I’ll give you all you need to bring that mental picture into life. Mold it and I’ll breathe life into it, but first, you have to sketch it.”
He gave me a pen, an eraser, a sheet of paper, clay and a bucket of water. “Finally, I had the power to create, right in my hands.” I thought to myself. YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!
I set to work, gathering materials for the perfect masterpiece ever created in the mind of man. Everything I ever thought about…all that I wished for…All my expectations – Good attitude, decent character, great potentials, flawless skin tone, wonderful facial features, untarnished eloquence, 100% truthful, average height, sound diet, and very long natural hair with an obvious halo, I put down on a white sheet of paper. It looked so good, but I felt something was still missing (actually, a lot), so I picked up the eraser and wiped off half of the sketch, and continued drawing. I tried to add the subject's choices into the sketch, but i ended up with my partial wishes. Hours went by, and I still wasn’t satisfied. Days, weeks, months, years passed by, and I hadn’t even started molding. Out of frustration, I used what was left of the eraser to wipe off the whole sketch, tore the sheet of paper, broke the pencil, scattered the clay all over the tiled floor, and threw the bucket of water out the window.
I went back to Him with tears rolling down my eyes. “I tried…I’m sorry…I thought I had the perfect picture in my head…I thought I knew it all” I said to him. “But I’m sure if you give me two more pencils, 3 erasers, a fresh sheet of paper, and more time, I can come up with the image in my….” “Shut up!!!” He interrupted. “You’ve spent almost a decade sketching. When are you going to start molding?” He asked, with a straight face.
“Be patient, son!” He continued. “Circumstances will alter your sketch; feelings will war against your intentions, and selfish expectations will break your wall of reasoning. What you thought was impeccable might just be a mirage…What you thought was perfect may not even exist. Trust me to bring the best your way. Be patient, son!” He concluded.
I woke up, picked a pen and a sheet of paper…and wrote “IT AIN’T OVER. I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I’M GONNA SKETCH IT, THEN MOLD IT!”
If you keep forcing him/her to fit into the sketch on your paper or to adapt to your selfish desires, you will end up creating a ‘puppet’ that will eventually malfunction, when ‘it’ can take no more.
If we all had the power to create who we would love to be with, the fun and adventure that comes with discovering our uniqueness will be buried in our quest to ‘paint the future’. What a boring life it would be!
He’s not perfect, but He could be better than the picture you have in your head. She’s not all that you expected, but she certainly could be the one you need to cure you from the illusion that there’s a perfect person out there.
You can sketch it, but molding it would be almost impossible.
Work. Pray. Be grateful
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