THE LITTLE THINGS WE SAY

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” Proverbs 15:1

Have you said some things you didn’t really mean to someone/people? I mean, have you used words that are unpleasant, and when you come back to your senses, it’s too late to take them back? Well, I have - several times, if I might add. I entered a bus sometime ago, and the dude collecting the fare stepped on my foot, but before he could say anything, I gazed at him with repulsion and asked him if he was blind (obviously he wasn’t). The guy looked at me and said he was sorry. I sought for ways to cover up what I said, cos his apology absolutely defeated my defense. I become cold. I thought to myself “If only I waited for a few seconds, his apology would have been uttered, and there wouldn’t be any need for unnecessary judgment in my heart.

Some of us have uttered really foul words against our children, our siblings and even our spouses. I have seen mothers beat their kids and say stuff like “ko ni da fun e” (meaning: it won’t be well with you) and I’m like “Hold on! You just said that to your child?” some even compare their kids to other kids, abusing and cursing them out in front of them. When these kids grow up and things start to go ugly, they remember what they were told many years ago, by their own parents. Some have confronted their parents about this, attaching their success or failure to the words that were showered on them. How do you tell them you didn’t really mean what you said; that u said it out of anger?

The little things we say can bring a long-term relationship, friendship, or even marriage to an end. Someone once told me “I regret knowing you! I hate you!” If you don’t mean it, why do you say it? I know it’s difficult to control yourself when you’re angry, but isn’t it possible to vent your resentment without using words you’re likely to regret using afterwards? Okay, it’s time for some confessions. I used to be very hot-tempered, but I tried to modify the way I used some words, though in my heart I mean something else. I can call someone a clown, when deep down in my heart I meant ‘fool’. But there isn’t really any difference, is there? (My mind has been renewed, so fear not). I looked up the meaning of some words in the dictionary, and I just felt it wasn’t fair to use some adjectives on people just because of one minute of folly, or because of the little mistake they make. There are better ways of correcting people, especially when you’re in a position of leadership.

How would you feel if someone told you the project you put in hours to do was all crap, and an absolute waste of time? I once worked under someone who was very meticulous and a lover of perfection. After my first meeting with him, just before I started working on the project, I tried convincing myself that I could do all I told him I could and more. But days into it, I felt like quitting. “How can someone expect you to work under this condition, with such equipment and still expect top-notch results” I asked myself. One morning he came to the office shouting and insulting everybody saying all we did was absolute nonsense. He even used certain abasing adjectives my parents wouldn’t even use on me. I tried to control myself, but just before he stepped out of the office, I summoned courage and called him back to give him a piece of my mind. “We are doing our best, considering the fact that we are using equipments that are almost obsolete. The UPS is bad… Scratch that! There is no UPS, the systems get stuck at some point, the recording was very bad, and I even put in overtime to make sure I still meet up with delivery time. So maybe you should try fixing that.”

Once again, it is very possible to express displeasure without hurting anyone with our words. The bible says in James 3:1-2 “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he SAYS, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check” (NIV). So if you desire to teach; if you desire to be a role model or a mentor to people, you must learn to consciously bridle your tongue. Like I said, it is not easy but it’s possible.

Some say things against you behind your back (Backbiters) but when they face you, their mouths are coated with sweet words. Are you a victim of backbiting, lying, or even flattery? (Yes. A flattery tongue is equally destructive). Flattery is a feature of the wicked “Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.” Psalm 5:9 (NIV)

James 1:19-20 says “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (KJV).

Let us make conscious effort to remove hurting words from our bank of vocabularies. Don’t you think it would be amazing if someone expects you to curse them out when they do something nasty to you (like you usually would), and you just smile and walk away? Trust me, that is going to be an awkward moment for the person, and I’m sure s/he will think twice before acting next time. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

Finally, “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 1 Peter 3:10. Would you rather use your tongue to curse or bless?

“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:10

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Prov 18:21. Say something nice to someone, today. You never know how effective the little things we say are. They can build…and they can destroy!

Work hard; pray harder; Thank God