THE TRIALS OF TRUSTING AGAIN

Trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

It is very difficult to put your trust in a business you’ve never experienced success in before. That’s why some people never risk taking a risk, but end up taking one anyway. The sad thing is, after an experience, some people – like me - still think ‘a next time, a fresh result’. I remember investing some money in a business a few years back. I was too convinced that it was going to yield huge profit overtime…a turnover that would be enough to cover my first tuition installment in school. I started counting my eggs before they were hatched.

Days rolled by, weeks and then months. I requested for a certain amount from my accumulated turnover (on paper, that is), cos I wanted to purchase a laptop. It was one story after the other. The dude claimed that a partner whom he disclosed security details to had made away with all the money. (Yeah! I was startled too). “You’re kidding me, right? I mean, you can’t be serious! How will I pay my fees? What am I going to tell the two other people I collected money from to boost the investment?” I felt like I saw it coming. I struggled with these questions for a while. I realized I had lost everything. I started hoping and wishing it was all a dream – from the introduction to the investment to my first deposit. Would I ever attempt it again? Will anybody’s testimony of returns from the same kind of business motivate me to try again? Well, guess what? I invested in the same business again. The result was remarkable.

What makes you trust again? Is it a feeling of assurance that there must have been a few lapses in the first attempt that can be avoided in second? In our relationships: ‘Maybe I’m not spending enough time with him; maybe I’m being too hard on him’. He fumbles, then you feel betrayed “But he said he wasn’t going to do it again. He said he wasn’t going to cheat on me again. I’d never do anything to hurt him (Thank God for your life). I decided to risk trusting him again, after his first thriving attempt at infidelity. But this time, I’m done.” but then again you start to fight with justified reasons to give him yet another chance.

Weeks down the line, you are haunted by memories of the good times you shared…those times when he got to the cinemas right on time for that movie; those times when he’d call every 10mins to make sure you got home safely after hanging out late; those times when he would visit you at the hospital, and stab his snooze time until he was sure you were fast asleep; those times when he got roses and gifts delivered to you at the office; those times when you didn’t have to question his integrity.

One of the challenges of ‘trusting again’ is not being able to forgive and forget previous wrongs. Some people would say “Aight. I forgive you, I’ll try and forget that it ever happened, but I can’t trust you anymore.” How would you be able to survive the feeling that the person you’re sharing the same room with doubts every word you utter, and goes through any length to verify the authenticity of your statements before giving in?

“My dad said he’s visiting next week?”
“Oh! really?”
“Yes”
And whilst he’s taking a shower, you sneak out of the room to call his dad to find out if he’s really visiting next week.

Little wonder Mark is too reluctant to tell Tracy about his secret ordeals with her friend. Maybe cos he knows she’s going to flare up so bad; it would be difficult to control her. And he might have to sleep on the sofa that night – that’s if he’s lucky. “Would she ever forgive and trust me again – even if I sincerely change?”

Another trial of ‘trusting again’ may be 'one too many lies'. Some of us have lied and/or have been lied to; some of us have said more than we should have; some of us have even been too silent. He’s not really who He said he was before you said ‘I do’? She changed overnight? The relationship has been built on lies?

Maybe you’re struggling with an unforgiving spirit. Maybe you have so much contempt in your heart towards someone. It’s okay to feel bad. It’s reasonable to feel disappointed because you trusted him/her with your life and all you got was a stab in the back. Some of us have been too arrogant to ask for forgiveness. Too cocky to say ‘I’m sorry’.

But sometimes it’s not just about the people that hurt us. “A crushing spirit dries up the bones” It’s about the pain we refuse to let go; it’s about the rapid ageing that takes place inside, from piling up hatred.
Someone might be saying right now “You don’t even know the half of it. I went through a lot. S/he toiled with my heart and left me depressed. I will never forgive him/her.” You’re right. I don’t know the half of it. But what I do know is that you need healing!

You must be able to forgive to trust again. Some people are sincerely repentant of their act. But the fact that you don’t want to forgive them might leave them in total misery – which is very dangerous. “Now instead, you ought to forgive him and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” 2 Corinthians 2:7, 8. Is there someone you wish you had forgiven before s/he passed on? Or before you lost all possible contact?

There are times when you really have to let go...but not without a fight to make things work again...not without forgiving!
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men of their sins, your heavenly father will not forgive your sins.” Matt 6:14-15.

God wants to heal your soul. He wants to take away the pain and make you whole again. But you have to forgive…you have to let go!

Okay. So I've gotten you to understand the importance of forgiveness (I hope). Now unto to the more difficult part...trusting again. Sincerely, It can be difficult, but somehow it's imperative to start building it again. It can be done over a period of time. The person also has to prove that s/he can be trusted again, right? yep! It's a two-way thingy!

Until you start trusting again, you'd still be interested in scrolling thru his call logs, reading his text msgs...and even picking his calls. You'd still want to stop by his office just before he closes for the day...and also attend events with him even if it means bursting your own plans.

When we repent n ask God for forgiveness, he wipes our sins n overlooks any wrong...he trusts us to be more careful next time. A new page is opened. (TiemThinks)

I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. No one is. Be quick to forgive. Trusting again? Try!...just try! As you do so, pray for the person, knowing you could have been the one in his/her shoes.
And if you're the one that needs to regain someone's trust, you've got to make it work this time. Don't blow it again. S/he can't do it alone. Stop taking integrity for granted. Stop betraying people's trust in you. "Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid!"

Infidelity is not just a sin against someone who once trusted you...it's a sin against God. Stop it!!!

Remember: if you do NOT forgive, your heavenly father will NOT forgive you too!

Selah

Aight. Go ahead. Send that text message/e-mail. Make that call. Put down the weight. Let God heal your heart.

Work hard. Pray harder. Thank God.